Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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