GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
