I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
