But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
