All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
