I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
