And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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