Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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