I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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