Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
