So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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