It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
