I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can't motorboat a personality
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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