her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
