the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My life is pants optional.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize