it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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