When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
