I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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