Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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