i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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