i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
