my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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