That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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