I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
