I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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