walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
