you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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