Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
