I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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