He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
