And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
