Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
