So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
