Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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