ya dads aren't the best wingmen
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
