I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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