WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
