Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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