those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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