glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
