i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
