wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
