honey bunches of taint.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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