This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
