jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize