; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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