it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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