I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
