She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
