Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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