So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
