Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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