So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
