I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
