she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Text me some of your sweat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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