I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
