Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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