Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
