then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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