the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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