your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there was a trapeze. enough said
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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