Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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