remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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