What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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