im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize