OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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