I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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