puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
