There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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