I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
