My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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