Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
