Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
