she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
