woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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