So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
