we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
