its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
