apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
