I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want nice things and good sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
