Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
