if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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