I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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