hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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