you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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