the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
