i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
